I had a CT scan yesterday: this took place as I had had the first three sessions of Chemo. It is to see what progress has taken place and whether the chemo has done what it was designed to do i.e. rip out the cancer violently. It has certainly had a damned good go - judging by what it had done to the good parts of my body. It is also designed to see whether the right chemo chemicals have been used as the primary source was not discovered. I assume this means that if insufficient progress is made then different chemicals can be used.
It has been a gruelling First Session.
I am still being told by the Doctors to selfishly get rid of anything that distracts me from concentrating on beating the disease. All outside interference preventing this one objective should be put aside. This can be very difficult as life does go on. I have by and large tried to do this. Whether it has worked remains to be seen. I have worked on various positive thinking and visualisation techniques both by myself and with the assistance of a qualified therapist. It is a technique that is amazing in what it can do: there will be many sceptics out there but no matter if I think visualisation works for me then I will carry on with it.
Last weekend someone came to visit me who I had not seen for many years - I can't remember whether I have told you. He used to own the gym where I used to train and body build - starting in the 1980's. He used to plan my training routines and generally supervise my training. On occasions he used to take me round the gym on the routine; it was exhausting when he did this. I would start to flag and he would start to cajole me and push me and generally have a go: put the weight up, one more rep on this exercise, one more set here, don't forget this weight, you have forgotten this and so on. By that time I was, I thought, at the end of my strength and could not lift another thing. I was wrong. He would say in the middle of all this, "See yourself lift that weight" " See yourself do another set". I was convinced I could not. But I started to be able to see myself in my mind doing what he was telling me to see. The visualisation would get so vivid - I would actually then be able to do physically what he was telling me in spite of how I felt ! I convinced myself that I could do it and I could! This would happen over and over again - it was amazing. It was the mind taking over.
We spoke about this when he came to see me. I told him I was still using the techniques. He was pleased. This visualisation is the core of the counselling and help I get from Frances who comes to see me. Again the experiences are quite amazing. I visualise the cancer to fight it. I visualise the entire body healing process. I visualise me being healthy and strong again. It is a powerful experience and it is also a tremendous mental boost to have these impressions.
I will be carying out these visualisation sessions many times between now and Thursday - results day. All I can hope is that all the weapons I have had at my disposal - there have been others - have been useful.
The transfusion has given me more energy: again I can only say thank you to the unknown donor whose blood I used. Hey I have gone on long enough today so will finish now but....
..I'll be back
