Writing this on the 7 May having just got back from Hospital. I had to do a blood test for the chemo session tomorrow. This is the second session of Chemo. The blood test is needed to make sure that, in layman's terms, my blood (and I) are both strong enough to withstand another chemo onslaught. I will not know the answer to that until I see the Oncologist before the session as he will get the results.

How do I feel? Reassured by the messages of support here on the site and from elsewhere. Worried that my blood has not recovered enough from the first session so preventing having the second - I want to continue with the planned sessions to beat this thing. My own strength needs topping up with the additional Chemo ammunition. I have been warned that certain people do need blood transfusions in the Chemo cycle if the blood does not recover enough - it normally means a delay of a period of time. I do not want to be one of those people - I want to keep fighting it without pause. To know that the session is going ahead is a tremendous boost and lets more positive thoughts in. I am keeping everything crossed for good blood results.

I have not been sleeping well over the last few days: the back pain over the shoulder blades makes it hard to get comfortable. Lying in the wrong position makes it worse and wakes you up. Not having a good nights sleep is the pits. Everyone will agree I think that when you are tired, it is harder to deal with things. Get a good nights sleep and you can move mountains! Mind you today I am alot more comfortable so let us hope I crash out tonight: I could siesta this afternoon but I do not want to miss the lovely spring day.

I have also now retired - at the end of April - and so the question of income rears its head. I had to retire due to my ill health so this was inevitable. I am looking into Social Security assistance and the like but it is a bit of a worry. My pension does not kick in until I am 65 - a few years away yet!!

Shoot - I am depressing myself with this blog and I might even delete it yet but being down is something that does occur - it needs fighting against with all other troubles. Think positive. That is what I need to do and will do

What was I talking about a bit ago? Oh yes the Spring Day. It is a beautiful day here today. The sun shines, there is hardly a cloud in the sky. I can smell the Spring smells from the fields and countryside near us. We are fortunate here as just over the fence at the back of the garden is open countryside: you can hear the skylarks, smell the blossom from the trees. It feels good. I can also hear people cutting their lawns and catch the aroma of newly cut grass. I don't know about you but there are certain noises and smells that always evoke Spring & Summer - for me the noise of lawn mowers and the smell of freshly cut grass are a couple of those triggers. They get rid of the grey drab winter days. They encourage the positive thoughts, make you want to go outside and enjoy the feelings. I want to pick my camera up and walk over the fields and record it - only one trouble I cannot walk very well.

So we come back full circle. I want the Chemo session to get rid of this cancer so I can experience the changing seasons, get out and record the change and keep some of those changes if I can capture the images in a worthwhile way. So I say to myself now, my blood is strong and I will have the second chemo session and it will kill more of the cancer and I will get out there.

Yes I am posting this blog and ...... I'll be back